Ralph Nader: strangled to death by a seatbelt
Bill Clinton: choking on a cigar/ lack of blood to the brain
Jan Brewer: struck by a bus full of illegal aliens fleeing Arizona
Jennifer Granholm: smothered by a falling stack of unemployment applications
George W Bush: beaten to death by anti-war pacifists
Al Gore: hypothermia
Dick Cheney: lead poisoning
any TEA partier: in a government hospital
any Congressman: trichinosis
Larry Craig: loses his balance on account of his wide stance, falls, hits hit head on the toilet
Ted Kennedy: dehydration
Jimmy Carter: choking on a falafel
Silvio Berlusconi: impaled upon a stiletto heel
Kim Jong Il: hairspray explosion
Charlie Rangel: gets paper cut while filing taxes, gets infected and goes septic
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